..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
