You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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