i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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