Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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