im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
