I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
