my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They took my balls.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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