I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
