y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
