I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
