Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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