Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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