Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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