I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
