All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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