no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
