I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My nipple is on Facebook.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
