Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am one with the molecules
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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