oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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