all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
