I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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