you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
