i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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