weddingsv make me drug and hornr
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
