Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
