At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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