i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
