I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
