Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
