After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
