Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
