every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
