yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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