You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
