Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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