why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
