everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
