found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
