Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
