I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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