no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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