just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
