reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You're earring is so big in my mouth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
