You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
