So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
