I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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