apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drunk is not a location!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
