I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is Oprah even human
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
