lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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