my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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