Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
