I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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