If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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