I smell stomach acid.
My cat gives me a boner
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
