he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
