thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
