when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
